Too Soonjokes

Zverev has the best record in tennis at reaching finals and the worst at winning them. Sunday he plays the American dream in New York. The crowd will be 23,000 to 1, and the 1 has a two-handed backhand.

Ben Shelton beat Tiafoe and plays Zverev Sunday for the first American men's major in 23 years. Zverev's quote: "Hopefully I can not make the American dream come true." A German rooting against the American dream in New York. That's the first honest villain the city's had since the Yankees.

Saturday, September 12: the Houthis have an island, Saudi shut a pipeline, Norway's leaving, a robot hacked a library and the librarian quit, the president's golfing in Ireland, a woman in remission lost her insurance for not being sick enough, and a 23-year-old plays for the first American major in 23 years tomorrow. Tell one. Vote. Watch the tennis.

Tiafoe won the first set and then his second serve went to 38%. He's 28. In tennis that's when the tour starts calling you "veteran," which is the sports word for "previously loved."

Shelton is the first Black American man in a US Open final since Arthur Ashe in 1972, in a stadium named after Arthur Ashe. It took 54 years for the building to see someone it was named for. The Lions have been waiting since 1957, and they don't even have a building named after anybody.

Tiafoe and Shelton play an all-American semifinal Friday. Two American men in the final four for the first time since the sport was affordable. The winner faces a German or a Russian in the final, which is also the plot of every 20th-century war we won.