Too Soonjokes

A Montana woman five years in remission from lymphoma lost Medicaid for being "not sick enough." The cancer's gone. The nerve damage isn't. The state's form has a box for "employed" and no box for "survived and can't hold the pen."

Every AI company promised to cure cancer. So far they've cured customer service, entry-level jobs, and the ability to know if a photo is real. Cancer's next, they say. Cancer says the same thing.

There's an mRNA shot that might prevent skin cancer. Half the country will refuse it and the other half will keep booking tanning beds. Cancer remains undefeated.

The Pitt won big at the Emmys for a show about an ER where nobody's paid enough and everyone dies on schedule. The nurses who inspired it watched on their break. They get one. Fifteen minutes. The show runs an hour.

The Supreme Court blocked cancer patients from suing over Roundup. It kills weeds, people, and lawsuits.

Saturday, September 12: the Houthis have an island, Saudi shut a pipeline, Norway's leaving, a robot hacked a library and the librarian quit, the president's golfing in Ireland, a woman in remission lost her insurance for not being sick enough, and a 23-year-old plays for the first American major in 23 years tomorrow. Tell one. Vote. Watch the tennis.