Every AI company promised to cure cancer. So far they've cured customer service, entry-level jobs, and the ability to know if a photo is real. Cancer's next, they say. Cancer says the same thing.

Persona 6 dropped and the reviews say it's a masterpiece about mental health, friendship, and fighting your inner darkness. So it's therapy for $70, which is still $130 cheaper than the real thing and the demons have better voice acting.

Cybersecurity people have AI burnout defending hospitals. When the hospital gets ransomwared, the AI will write a very moving obituary.

Senator Roger Marshall sued 700 of his own patients over bills when he was a doctor and had 81 arrested. He's on the health committee. The Hippocratic Oath says first do no harm. His said first send it to collections.

Measles is back in America. A disease we beat in 2000 returned because a podcast said so. The virus didn't evolve. We did, backwards.

Health costs up the most in 23 years. The Health Secretary's response was a video of himself doing pull-ups. Great. The deductible does pull-ups too. It's up to 5,000.

An anti-abortion activist was nominated to run the FDA. Plan B is now "wait and see." Plan A is still "don't get sick."

Unemployment is 4.1% and hiring is up in hospitality. You lost your career and got a job saying "welcome" to the people who took it.

The Pitt won big at the Emmys for a show about an ER where nobody's paid enough and everyone dies on schedule. The nurses who inspired it watched on their break. They get one. Fifteen minutes. The show runs an hour.

The Supreme Court blocked cancer patients from suing over Roundup. It kills weeds, people, and lawsuits.

The FDA nominee is an activist. The agency that approves your medicine will now be run by someone who's mostly against things. The pharmacy line just became a debate.

Darnold spent the night at the hospital after the opener. The team said "good news." The good news is a "muscle strain." The bad news is he's a Seahawks quarterback, and their good news has a way of becoming a Drew Lock start.

We've bombed 25 boats and killed 90 people for smuggling drugs. Meanwhile the pharmacy on the corner has a drive-thru.

Saturday, September 12: the Houthis have an island, Saudi shut a pipeline, Norway's leaving, a robot hacked a library and the librarian quit, the president's golfing in Ireland, a woman in remission lost her insurance for not being sick enough, and a 23-year-old plays for the first American major in 23 years tomorrow. Tell one. Vote. Watch the tennis.

Nvidia is buying Hugging Face for $14 billion. The last free hug left is from the hospice nurse, and she's on a schedule.

A Montana woman five years in remission from lymphoma lost Medicaid for being "not sick enough." The cancer's gone. The nerve damage isn't. The state's form has a box for "employed" and no box for "survived and can't hold the pen."

Employer health costs will rise the most since 2003. RFK Jr. says the answer is exercise and sunlight. Sunlight is free. The dermatologist to fix what the sunlight did is $400, and that's the whole plan.

Sam Darnold: $100 million, banner raised, six snaps, hospital. Drew Lock started Week 2 and the Seahawks are still fine. Seattle's quarterback plan is to keep signing guys until one of them is standing at the end of the year. It's a survivor pool with a cap number.

The Pitt got 25 Emmy nominations for a show about an emergency room in a broken system. It's the first hospital drama where the ratings are healthier than the patients and the billing department is the villain nobody had to write.

A man is sailing alone through the Arctic to set a record. His wife described the trip as "finally" and the life insurance as "current."

There's an mRNA shot that might prevent skin cancer. Half the country will refuse it and the other half will keep booking tanning beds. Cancer remains undefeated.

Mayweather-Pacquiao 2: two men pushing 50 boxing for money. The undercard is their doctors fighting over who signs the waiver.

Sam Darnold raised the Super Bowl banner and got carried off on the sixth play of the season. Banner up, quarterback in a hospital, Seattle won anyway. That's not football, that's a Greek play with a salary cap.

The Surgeon General says loneliness is an epidemic. The cure is other people, which is the one prescription the pharmacy doesn't stock, and the copay is your dignity.

Ebola hit a seventh Congolese province. It's the fastest-growing outbreak on record in the east, and burial teams make $20 a day. It got less coverage than a folding phone. The algorithm has a passport and it doesn't go there.

Darnold went down on the sixth snap with a hip injury and spent the night in the hospital. He signed for $100 million last year. That's $16 million a play, which is still cheaper than what Iran's paying per tanker.

The Pitt leads with 25 nominations for a show about an ER where nobody's paid enough and everyone dies on schedule. The nurses who inspired it will watch on their break. They get one.

The Mariners edged the Rangers with the Seahawks' quarterback in the hospital across town. Seattle sports in one night: a win, a win, and a CT scan. Three for three.

Sam Darnold's $100 million contract, one drive, six plays, a sack, a hospital. He was in a CT scanner before the first quarter ended. The banner took longer to raise than his season took to pause.

Montana says a cancer survivor is "not sick enough" for Medicaid. The state has a form for sick. It doesn't have a form for "survived and can't feel her hands." Neither does the country.

The foldable iPhone tops out at $3,000 for 2 terabytes. Three grand for a phone that folds. You know what else folds for that kind of money? Your knees, at the pharmacy.

Goldman Sachs says oil could go higher if the tanker attacks continue. Goldman Sachs also owns the tankers, the insurance on the tankers, and the fund that bet on the tankers. They call it "analysis." The rest of us call it a receipt.

The Pitt is up for 25 Emmys for showing what an American ER actually looks like: 15-hour shifts, no beds, and a billing code for the tears. The nurses who inspired it watched the nominations on their break. They get one.

Every hit show this year is about a hospital, a cop, a lawyer, or a billionaire. The four American institutions that can afford to be on TV, in order of how likely they are to ruin you.

On the eve of the 25th anniversary, Mayor Mamdani released 170,000 pages showing the government knew the air was toxic. The first responders got cancer. The officials got pensions. The pages got a press conference.