Too Soonjokes

Friday, September 11, 2026: 25 years since the towers, 196 days into the next war, a $5,000 bribe on the table, a president who remembers being carried, a quarterback who remembers being carted, and 100,000 Australians who couldn't see the field. Never forget. Also, what time's the tennis.

Darnold spent the night at the hospital after the opener. The team said "good news." The good news is a "muscle strain." The bad news is he's a Seahawks quarterback, and their good news has a way of becoming a Drew Lock start.

The NFL is back. Seventeen weeks of men getting concussed so a guy in Ohio can be mad about his parlay. It's the most American thing on television, and it's also on Amazon now.

Friday, September 11, 2026: twenty-five years since the towers, 196 days into the next war, a $5,000 bribe on the table, a quarterback carted off six plays into a title defense, a kid who beat the best player alive at 3:30 a.m., and a hundred thousand Australians who couldn't see the field. Never forget. What time's the tennis.

Sam Darnold: $100 million, banner raised, six snaps, hospital. Drew Lock started Week 2 and the Seahawks are still fine. Seattle's quarterback plan is to keep signing guys until one of them is standing at the end of the year. It's a survivor pool with a cap number.

Senator Roger Marshall sued 700 of his own patients over bills when he was a doctor and had 81 arrested. He's on the health committee. The Hippocratic Oath says first do no harm. His said first send it to collections.