Too Soonjokes

Oasis announced a 38-date 2027 tour and fans have to register for a window just to buy tickets. Two brothers who couldn't share a room for 15 years now require you to pre-register to pay them $400. They didn't reunite. They incorporated.

Apple's $2,000 folding phone, a $130 million witch movie, a 38-date Oasis tour with a waitlist, and a $5,000 vote bonus. Everything this month is on a payment plan except the war, and that's on your grandkids' plan.

Bad Bunny did the halftime show in Spanish. Forty million Americans discovered they could be angry at a language for 13 minutes and still know every word by the end.

The Bills led 21-0 at halftime in their $1.4 billion stadium's first game. The public paid for a good chunk of the building. The team paid Dawson Knox. Only one of those investments scored twice on opening night.

The Seahawks beat the Patriots 29-13 and the halftime show was in Spanish. Half of Texas learned three words and the other half wrote to the FCC.

Friday, September 11, 2026: 25 years since the towers, 196 days into the next war, a $5,000 bribe on the table, a president who remembers being carried, a quarterback who remembers being carted, and 100,000 Australians who couldn't see the field. Never forget. Also, what time's the tennis.