Too Soonjokes

Zverev beat Shelton for the US Open and didn't know he'd won; he walked back to the baseline to return serve. He ended America's 23-year drought-extension and needed the scoreboard to tell him. Germany: efficient, punctual, unaware of the mood in the room.

Ben Shelton beat Tiafoe and plays Zverev Sunday for the first American men's major in 23 years. Zverev's quote: "Hopefully I can not make the American dream come true." A German rooting against the American dream in New York. That's the first honest villain the city's had since the Yankees.

Ben Shelton became the first American man to win a set in a major final since 2009. A set. The bar is now "won a set," and he cleared it with room to spare. Somewhere Andy Roddick is buying the 2003 team a round.

Fourth of July, 250th edition. Fireworks in a drought, hot dogs at tariff prices, and a war overseas. The founders would recognize all of it.

Shelton is the first Black American man in a US Open final since Arthur Ashe in 1972, in a stadium named after Arthur Ashe. It took 54 years for the building to see someone it was named for. The Lions have been waiting since 1957, and they don't even have a building named after anybody.

Tiafoe plays Shelton tonight in the first all-American semi since the sport was affordable. Shelton beat Alcaraz at 3:30 a.m. Wednesday. If he wins tonight he'll have slept six hours in three days, which is the most American training regimen since the Marines.