Too Soonjokes

Trump meets Xi next week and China is urging both the U.S. and Iran back to the table. The country that buys Iran's oil and sells us the phones is now the mediator. It's a divorce where the marriage counselor is also the landlord.

Trump says oil prices are about to "plunge." Wonderful. The last thing that plunged in this war was my 401(k).

Trump promised every adult $5,000 if Republicans win the midterms. That's $1.3 trillion. It's the first time a president has offered the country a bribe in front of it, on camera, with a number. The IRS will tax it.

Trump's $5,000 election dividend costs $1.3 trillion. The Iran war has cost $95 billion. So the plan is: win the war, sell the peace, pay the voters, bill the kids. It's a mafia movie where everyone gets whacked by compound interest.

Trump promised every adult $5,000 if Republicans win the midterms. That's $1.3 trillion. It's the first time a president offered the country a bribe on camera, with a number. The IRS will tax it.

The US now controls 65 billion barrels of Venezuelan oil, eight months after grabbing the president. Marco Rubio called it "a partnership." So is a payday loan.