Too Soonjokes

Saturday, September 12: the Houthis have an island, Saudi shut a pipeline, Norway's leaving, a robot hacked a library and the librarian quit, the president's golfing in Ireland, a woman in remission lost her insurance for not being sick enough, and a 23-year-old plays for the first American major in 23 years tomorrow. Tell one. Vote. Watch the tennis.

This week we had a war, a cockpit incident, a carrier group, a pope in France and a strikeout record. The news cycle is just doomscrolling with a budget.

America this week: rejecting peace plans, begging France for diesel, and watching baseball on Peacock. A superpower in its "it's complicated" era.

China paused October fuel exports and the White House is begging France and Germany for diesel. America went from "drill baby drill" to "can we borrow a cup of diesel."

A golf resort displaced a cemetery in Vietnam. It's the first time a golf course has sent anyone to the afterlife faster than the sand trap.

Ben Shelton beat Tiafoe and plays Zverev Sunday for the first American men's major in 23 years. Zverev's quote: "Hopefully I can not make the American dream come true." A German rooting against the American dream in New York. That's the first honest villain the city's had since the Yankees.