Too Soonjokes

The 2030 census won't count undocumented immigrants and won't ask about race. The government's plan for people it doesn't like is to stop counting them. Try that with your cholesterol.

JD Vance cut 870,000 people off from federal loans for "suspected" pandemic fraud and used the word "screwed" at a podium. Nobody's been charged. It's the first time the federal government has sentenced people to a vocabulary word.

Congress funded the government through December 11. It's hospice care with a press release.

America turned 250 and buried a time capsule with documents from all three branches of government. Someone in 2126 will dig it up and find three branches that couldn't agree on what to put in a box.

A late-night host got pulled off the air for a monologue. The government said it was about "standards." Standards, in a country where the president has a podcast voice.

Carney says Canada "won't be bullied." Trump says Canada should be the 51st state. Canada responded with a tariff on Kentucky bourbon, which means Mitch McConnell has finally been sanctioned by a foreign government.