Too Soonjokes

China paused October fuel exports and the White House is begging France and Germany for diesel. America went from "drill baby drill" to "can we borrow a cup of diesel."

China's parade showed off hypersonic missiles, underwater drones, and robot wolves. America responded with a strongly worded tariff.

The $5,000 dividend costs $1.3 trillion. Treasury yields are at 2007 levels. Norway's dumping $80 billion in bonds. So the plan is to borrow money nobody wants to lend, to pay voters to elect the people who borrowed it. The Founders would call it a monarchy. Goldman calls it a Thursday.

This week we had a war, a cockpit incident, a carrier group, a pope in France and a strikeout record. The news cycle is just doomscrolling with a budget.

Pope Leo made a historic visit to France. First American pope in Paris. He tipped at the café and they nearly excommunicated him.

A trade truce with China, a ceasefire talk with Iran, and a three-day peace at my in-laws'. Only one of those is actually holding, and it's because of edibles.