Too Soonjokes

The Army's top civilian quit after fighting with the Defense Secretary. First person to leave the Pentagon this year without a group chat leak.

Blue, the sculpture at the Kennedy Center, came down after seven years. Trump chairs the Kennedy Center now. He's redecorating a building named after a Democrat, in a city that voted 92% against him, and the sculpture was the first thing to leave that didn't need a lawyer.

Shelton is the first Black American man in a US Open final since Arthur Ashe in 1972, in a stadium named after Arthur Ashe. It took 54 years for the building to see someone it was named for. The Lions have been waiting since 1957, and they don't even have a building named after anybody.

Darnold got hurt on the last play of the first drive and the Seahawks shut out the first half. They're the third defending champ ever to be shut out in the first half of the opener. The other two are also in Seattle's group chat.

A group in flip-flops with drones declared a blockade on a country with a $75 billion defense budget. The drones cost $2,000. The defense budget is now a subscription to being surprised.

Trump says the Iran war will end "very soon, probably right after the midterms." First war in history with a campaign schedule. Shock and awe, then get out the vote.