Too Soonjokes

Shelton is the first Black American man in a US Open final since Arthur Ashe in 1972, in a stadium named after Arthur Ashe. It took 54 years for the building to see someone it was named for. The Lions have been waiting since 1957, and they don't even have a building named after anybody.

Trump says the Iran war will end "very soon, probably right after the midterms." First war in history with a campaign schedule. Shock and awe, then get out the vote.

Trump said the war ends after the election because Iran "can't hold out." Iran's been holding out since 1979. That's 47 years of holding out. The one thing Iran has more of than oil is patience, and we just hit its coast.

Trump told Zelenskyy to "find someone else to negotiate." Trump just ghosted an entire country.

Trump says oil prices are about to "plunge." Wonderful. The last thing that plunged in this war was my 401(k).

At a Peterbilt plant, Trump said Iran is "ready to fold up." Bold thing to say surrounded by trucks that also only fold when they jackknife.