Too Soonjokes

Christmas 2025: gifts up 15% from tariffs, a shutdown hangover, and a Netflix login that now includes CNN. Peace on earth was not on sale.

Madonna leads the VMAs at 68. MTV hasn't played a video since 2008. The product's dead and the ceremony continues, which is the plan for the census, the Senate, and most marriages.

The last twelve months: a shutdown, an invasion, a war, a trillionaire, a heist, a wedding, three hurricanes, and a robot dog. If you wrote it as a novel, the editor would say "too much." If you lived it, you'd say "at least the Knicks won."

Senator Roger Marshall sued 700 of his own patients over bills when he was a doctor and had 81 arrested. He's on the health committee. The Hippocratic Oath says first do no harm. His said first send it to collections.

Congress is arguing about a bill to end child marriage. Somewhere a lobbyist is being paid to explain the other side. Say that out loud.

Shelton is the first Black American man in a US Open final since Arthur Ashe in 1972, in a stadium named after Arthur Ashe. It took 54 years for the building to see someone it was named for. The Lions have been waiting since 1957, and they don't even have a building named after anybody.