Too Soonjokes

The last twelve months: a shutdown, an invasion, a war, a trillionaire, a heist, a wedding, three hurricanes, and a robot dog. If you wrote it as a novel, the editor would say "too much." If you lived it, you'd say "at least the Knicks won."

A judge approved surgically force-feeding a hunger striker in ICE custody. The private facility gets paid per body per day. Keeping him alive isn't mercy, it's a line item, signed at 2 a.m.

Supreme Court rejected Khalid Sheikh Mohammed's plea deal again. Even 25 years later, his appeals have outlived three Gitmo closure promises.

A judge asked the administration "who misled the court" about the East Potomac golf course. Your honor, look for the guy with the scorecard that says 54.

Iran offered a 7-day plan to reopen Hormuz. Trump rejected it. Nobody wants a week-long deal from a guy who can't even commit to a week-long trial subscription.

The Supreme Court tossed the mail-voting restrictions the same week a $5,000-if-you-vote-right offer went out on Fox. So the Court says mail your ballot and the White House says there's a check in the mail if you get it right. The Post Office has to touch both.