Too Soonjokes

The war "ends after the election," the president says. So does the price of gas, apparently. Everything in America now has a November expiration date except the debt, the war dead, and the guy who said it.

Trump promised every adult $5,000 if Republicans win the midterms. That's $1.3 trillion. It's the first time a president has offered the country a bribe in front of it, on camera, with a number. The IRS will tax it.

"The war ends immediately after the election," the president said, then flew to Ireland. So the war has a release date, the troops have a deployment, and the president has a tee time. Three schedules. One of them's fun.

Day 196. The president says the war ends "immediately after the election." The troops don't have an election. They have a deployment, a hip, and a magnet on their mom's car that's faded to pink.

A total solar eclipse crossed Greenland, Iceland, Portugal, and Spain. America watched it on a phone, which is how we've experienced everything since 2010.

Trump promised every adult $5,000 if Republicans win the midterms. That's $1.3 trillion. It's the first time a president offered the country a bribe on camera, with a number. The IRS will tax it.