Too Soonjokes

JD Vance cut 870,000 people off from federal loans for "suspected" pandemic fraud and used the word "screwed" at a podium. Nobody's been charged. It's the first time the federal government has sentenced people to a vocabulary word.

Halloween during a shutdown. The kids trick-or-treated at the closed national park. Nobody answered. That's a federal building for you.

Election is Nov 3. The World Series ends around Halloween. Which means for one week America gets to watch two teams no one cares about and two parties no one likes.

Federal agents raided Ilhan Omar's home at dawn over her immigration case. The administration said it found evidence of a crime: she disagreed with Trump.

The Army's top civilian quit after fighting with the Defense Secretary. First person to leave the Pentagon this year without a group chat leak.

The 2030 census will no longer count immigrants without green cards or ask about race. So America's plan for dealing with its problems is to stop counting them. It's the first census designed by a guy hiding his bank statements from his wife.