Too Soonjokes

Halloween during a shutdown. The kids trick-or-treated at the closed national park. Nobody answered. That's a federal building for you.

The Army's top civilian quit after fighting with the Defense Secretary. First person to leave the Pentagon this year without a group chat leak.

The 2030 census will no longer count immigrants without green cards or ask about race. So America's plan for dealing with its problems is to stop counting them. It's the first census designed by a guy hiding his bank statements from his wife.

The shutdown closed national parks, so people just walked in. Turns out the Grand Canyon works without a ranger. So does Congress, and that's the problem.

Federal workers got full back pay after 43 days. So they got paid for six weeks of not working, which means they had the same fall as the senators.

The Army's top civilian quit after fighting with the Defense Secretary. First person to leave the Pentagon this year without a group chat leak.