Too Soonjokes

Hurricane Lowell went Category 5, then 4, then 5. It's got the commitment issues of a man whose wedding is at Madison Square Garden.

Hawaii's third hurricane in three weeks. FEMA's plan is to show up in October and ask if anyone's still there.

Lowell hits Niihau first, an island so private most Hawaiians have never set foot on it. Nature's giving a tour.

The UAE nominated someone for UN Secretary-General. Next year's UN climate summit will be held on a yacht.

Zverev beat Shelton for the US Open and didn't know he'd won; he walked back to the baseline to return serve. He ended America's 23-year drought-extension and needed the scoreboard to tell him. Germany: efficient, punctual, unaware of the mood in the room.

Fourth of July, 250th edition. Fireworks in a drought, hot dogs at tariff prices, and a war overseas. The founders would recognize all of it.