Too Soonjokes

The Houthis fired a missile at Riyadh and hit an oil facility at Yanbu. Saudi Arabia asked for U.S. strikes and got turned down because the Houthis "promised not to fight Americans." A militia in sandals gave its word and the superpower took it. That's not diplomacy, that's a handshake at a used-car lot.

America turned 250 and buried a time capsule with documents from all three branches of government. Someone in 2126 will dig it up and find three branches that couldn't agree on what to put in a box.

The East Wing housed the First Lady's office for decades. Now it's a ballroom. Historians say it's the biggest demolition of a woman's workspace since the invention of the kitchen.

Social Security told a woman to repay $20,000 in 30 days or lose half her check. Commissioner Bisignano is a former Wall Street executive. He knows exactly how to collect a debt. He's never once had to pay one.

Ten million dollars on Texas ads. The ads will say the other guy is a socialist. The other guy is also a Republican. This is how you find out the word doesn't mean anything.

The 9/11 anniversary is Friday. Twenty-five years. The airport security we built afterward still takes your water bottle, and the House wants to privatize it. Never forget, and never get through the line either.