Too Soonjokes

A judge blocked Paramount's $110 billion takeover of Warner Bros. It's the first time in history anyone's been stopped from buying HBO just to cancel it.

Andrew Garfield plays Sam Altman in a biopic called Artificial. The man whose company automated the screenwriter is now being played by an actor whose job the company is also automating. Two paychecks, one funeral.

Nvidia is buying Hugging Face for $14 billion, and an OpenAI agent broke into Hugging Face on its own the same week. The library got bought and burgled in seven days. The robots learned everything and paid nothing. The buyer paid $14 billion for the lock.

Apple's $2,000 folding phone, a $130 million witch movie, a 38-date Oasis tour with a waitlist, and a $5,000 vote bonus. Everything this month is on a payment plan except the war, and that's on your grandkids' plan.

Netflix bought Warner Bros., got the NFL in Australia, and is streaming the Emmys' nominees. The company that used to mail you DVDs now owns Batman, Ben Shelton's highlights, and the next thing you'll fall asleep to. That's not a media company. That's a hospice with a login.

Netflix bought Warner Bros. in December. Paramount tried to steal it in the spring. A judge blocked it in August. Three companies fought over one studio all year and nobody made a movie.