Too Soonjokes

Two earthquakes hit Venezuela and killed 2,000 people. Within two months, America had a deal for 65 billion barrels of their oil. We sent thoughts, prayers, and a drilling schedule.

A robot car in a city of roundabouts. It'll circle for three hours, which is the closest a machine has come to a British commute.

Venezuela: president captured in January, earthquake in June, oil in August. That's not a country anymore. That's a quarterly report.

A Russian warship fired flares within meters of a Danish military helicopter. Russia accused Denmark of "dangerous maneuvers." Denmark. The country that gave the world Lego and insulin was accused of aggression by the country that gave the world Chernobyl and a war with a 28-point peace plan.

Friday, September 11, 2026: 25 years since the towers, 196 days into the next war, a $5,000 bribe on the table, a president who remembers being carried, a quarterback who remembers being carted, and 100,000 Australians who couldn't see the field. Never forget. Also, what time's the tennis.

A golf resort displaced a cemetery in Vietnam. It's the first time a golf course has sent anyone to the afterlife faster than the sand trap.