Too Soonjokes

Senator Roger Marshall sued 700 of his own patients over bills when he was a doctor and had 81 arrested. He's on the health committee. The Hippocratic Oath says first do no harm. His said first send it to collections.

Darnold got hurt on the last play of the first drive and the Seahawks shut out the first half. They're the third defending champ ever to be shut out in the first half of the opener. The other two are also in Seattle's group chat.

A.J. Brown hurt his ankle in the third quarter of his first Patriots game. New England traded for the one thing they lacked in the Super Bowl: a receiver who catches. He caught an injury.

Drake Maye threw three interceptions in the opener. His last three-pick game was the Super Bowl, also against Seattle. The Patriots found the one team that makes him play like a Jet, and scheduled them twice.

A.J. Brown, traded to New England, hurt his ankle in the third quarter of his first game. The Patriots got a receiver, a highlight, and an MRI in one night. That's the most value they've gotten from a trade since 2001.

Drake Maye threw three picks to Seattle in the Super Bowl and three more in the opener. The Patriots' plan for the Seahawks is apparently to keep giving them the ball until they feel bad about it.