Too Soonjokes

The Lions open the season as contenders. For 60 years Detroit fans said "this is our year." This year it might be, which is the most dangerous thing that's ever happened to them.

The Lions' running back is the consensus number one fantasy pick. Detroit finally has something people fight over that isn't a parking spot.

Apple's folding phone starts at $2,000. For that money in Detroit you get a Buick, and the Buick also folds if you hit a pole.

A 50% tariff on Canada and Canada answered with a list. The longest peaceful border on earth now has a service fee. From Detroit, that's a tax on the view.

Tariffs on Canada. From Detroit, the Ambassador Bridge now charges a toll, a tariff, and the emotional cost of explaining to Windsor why.

SpaceX went public, raised $75 billion, and Elon Musk became the first trillionaire. A trillion dollars. That's enough to buy every house in Detroit and still have $999 billion, which is the same as not buying them.