Apple's folding phone starts at $2,000. For that money in Detroit you get a Buick, and the Buick also folds if you hit a pole.

The sun went dark over Portugal for two minutes and everyone lost their minds. In Michigan we call that a Tuesday in November.

Microsoft wants 38 gigawatts of data centers. Michigan uses ten. They're building four Michigans of electricity so Copilot can misspell your name faster.

The Lions open the season as contenders. For 60 years Detroit fans said "this is our year." This year it might be, which is the most dangerous thing that's ever happened to them.

SpaceX went public, raised $75 billion, and Elon Musk became the first trillionaire. A trillion dollars. That's enough to buy every house in Detroit and still have $999 billion, which is the same as not buying them.

A 50% tariff on Canada and Canada answered with a list. The longest peaceful border on earth now has a service fee. From Detroit, that's a tax on the view.

Tariffs on Canada. From Detroit, the Ambassador Bridge now charges a toll, a tariff, and the emotional cost of explaining to Windsor why.

Michigan beat Western Michigan on a call so bad that Sherrone Moore's postgame press conference was the first time in history a winning coach looked like he'd been robbed.

The Pope blessed the tallest tower of the Sagrada Família. Construction started in 1882. It's the only building on earth slower than a Detroit road crew, and it has better excuses.

Apple's folding phone costs $2,000 and preorders were moved off September 11 out of respect. Then it was priced like a funeral. For that money in Detroit you get a Buick, and the Buick also folds if you hit a pole.

The Lions are undefeated. Enjoy it. In Detroit, hope has a shorter half-life than the paint on the Ambassador Bridge.

The Winter Olympics: the only event where "luge" is a sport and "grocery store parking lot in Detroit" isn't, despite being more dangerous.

The Lions open Sunday as favorites. Detroit fans have never had hope survive October. This year they'll find out what it costs. Spoiler: last year, plus a stadium tax and interest.

The Lions' running back is the consensus number one fantasy pick. Detroit finally has something people fight over that isn't a parking spot.

March Madness: 68 teams, 40 million brackets, and one guy in your office who picked Michigan and won't shut up until Christmas.

A regular-season NFL game in Australia at 8 a.m. their time. Fans in Melbourne will watch football before work. Fans in Detroit will watch it at 4 a.m. and call in sick, which is a Michigan tradition older than the Lions' last title.

Sixty years of "this is our year" and a stadium tax. Detroit fans aren't optimistic. They're conditioned. Pavlov had a dog. Detroit has a season ticket.

The Lions open Sunday as Super Bowl favorites. Detroit has never had hope survive October. This is the year it finds out what hope costs. Spoiler: last year's price, plus a stadium tax, plus interest, plus a Coney at 1 a.m.

Michigan needed a controversial call to beat a MAC school at home. The Big House is now a Big Hospice with a marching band.

Michigan plays a real opponent Saturday after needing a blown call to beat Western Michigan. Sherrone Moore's job is a betting line and the over is "through Ohio State."

The Winter Olympics in Milan and Cortina. Two weeks of people sliding down ice on purpose, which in Michigan is just called February.

Tariffs on Canada. From Detroit, that's a tax on the view.

Michigan beat Western Michigan on a call so bad the ref should face The Hague. Not for the call. For making 110,000 people sit through the first three quarters.

A Detroit fan bought a Lions jersey this week and left the tags on. That's not a purchase. That's a hedge. Sixty years of practice.

Microsoft wants 38 gigawatts of data centers. Michigan uses ten. They're building four Michigans of electricity so Copilot can misspell your name faster and bill DTE for the privilege.

Lions, Sunday, Ford Field, favorites. Sixty years of "this is our year" and a stadium tax. Detroit fans aren't optimistic, they're conditioned. Pavlov had a dog. Detroit has a season ticket.

D'Andre Swift and Kenneth Walker won Offensive Player of the Week. Swift used to be a Lion. Everything Detroit lets go wins something. It's the only city where the alumni network is stronger than the roster.

Sunday at 4: a 23-year-old from Georgia serving 144 mph against a German who said out loud he hopes the American dream doesn't come true. If you're from Michigan you'll be watching with one eye on the Lions. That's not a conflict. That's Sunday.

Sherrone Moore's Michigan needed a blown call to beat a MAC team. Jim Harbaugh watched from the Chargers and, for the first time, was glad he's the one who left.

The Lions open at home Sunday and the whole state is pretending it's calm. Michigan football needed a bad call to beat a MAC team, the Tigers are in a race, and Detroit's collective blood pressure is now a public health category.

Jordan intercepted 18 of 20 Iranian missiles aimed at an American base. The other two landed in the desert. Jordan is now the only country in the Middle East with a better save percentage than the Red Wings.

Karen Khachanov is 16-18 on the year and in the US Open semis. A losing record and a run to the final four. He's the Detroit Lions of tennis, except he made it.

The Tigers and Guardians are fighting for the division. Every game matters, and the average viewer is 61 and asleep by the seventh. Baseball's fine. The audience is a hospice with a cable package.

The Lions open Sunday as Super Bowl favorites in some books. Detroit has never had hope survive October. This year it'll find out what hope costs. Spoiler: the same as last year, plus a stadium tax and interest.

Michigan-Western Michigan. The Wolverines fumbled a snap, made a one-handed catch, and got the call. Somewhere Lane Kiffin is texting Sherrone "you're welcome" and nobody knows why.

Detroit hosts the Saints Sunday. The Tigers are in a race, Michigan needed a blown call to beat a MAC school, and the Lions are favorites. The state's blood pressure is now a public health category, and the cure is a Coney at 1 a.m.

Michigan needed a blown call to beat Western Michigan and plays a real team Saturday. Sherrone Moore's job is now a betting line and the over is "through Ohio State."

Microsoft wants to triple its data center capacity to 38 gigawatts by 2032. Thirty-eight gigawatts. The whole state of Michigan uses about 10. They're building three Michigans of electricity so Copilot can misspell your name faster.

Microsoft wants 38 gigawatts of data centers. Michigan uses 10. They're building four Michigans of electricity so Copilot can misspell your name faster. Your bill will pay for the difference, and the AI will write you a very kind letter about it.

The iPhone Duo starts at $1,999 and goes to $3,000 for 2 terabytes. Three thousand dollars for a phone. For that money in Detroit you get a Buick, and the Buick also folds if you hit a pole.

Western Michigan lost to Michigan by one whistle. Somewhere in Kalamazoo a booster just learned his check cleared for nothing.

Michigan fumbled a snap, made a one-handed catch, and needed a bad call to beat Western. The Wolverines aren't a team, they're a show that should've been canceled two seasons ago.

Practical Magic 2 and a Resident Evil reboot open the same weekend. A movie about witches who kill husbands and a movie about a virus that kills everyone. They call that counterprogramming. In Michigan we call it Thanksgiving.

The Tigers are in a September race and the Lions are favorites. The last time Detroit had this much September hope, the auto industry was about to need a bailout. Somebody check on Ford.