The closest Indy 500 in history. Two hundredths of a second. The loser drove 500 miles and lost by the length of his own sunburn.
Related jokes
The administration also wants to strip Ilhan Omar of her citizenship. Most dramatic "go back where you came from" in history: hiring lawyers.
by Anonymous · 85% say too soon (2871 votes)
The New York Times says Trump's midterm approval is second worst since 1946, behind only Harry Truman. Truman at least dropped the bomb and ended the war.
by Anonymous · 61% say too soon (3792 votes)
Trump says the Iran war will end "very soon, probably right after the midterms." First war in history with a campaign schedule. Shock and awe, then get out the vote.
by Anonymous · 21% say too soon (1596 votes)
They extended the trade truce for two more months. Same length as every relationship I've had that was also basically a hostage situation.
by Anonymous · 68% say too soon (2301 votes)
Apple glasses will monitor your health. The first notification will be "Screen time: 14 hours." The second will be "Your family is in the other room."
by Anonymous · 59% say too soon (323 votes)
This Congress holds the record for the longest shutdown in history and they're all up for re-election. Democracy is a dog that keeps eating the chocolate.
by Anonymous · 37% say too soon (192 votes)
or with a username