Too Soonjokes

The US cut foreign access to its best AI models. So the machine that will replace American workers is now Made in America, for America, replacing Americans first. Buy local.

America turned 250 and buried a time capsule with documents from all three branches of government. Someone in 2126 will dig it up and find three branches that couldn't agree on what to put in a box.

Fashion Week: seven days of thin people wearing things nobody will buy, reviewed by people nobody reads, in a city nobody can afford. Congress with better lighting, worse snacks, and the same number of women in charge.

The 2030 census will no longer count immigrants without green cards or ask about race. So America's plan for dealing with its problems is to stop counting them. It's the first census designed by a guy hiding his bank statements from his wife.

The man convicted of orchestrating Tupac's murder is the uncle of the shooter, who died in 1998. So the case was solved by everyone else dying first. That's the Vegas method.

The FDA nominee is an activist. The agency that approves your medicine will now be run by someone who's mostly against things. The pharmacy line just became a debate.