Too Soonjokes

SpaceX went public, raised $75 billion, and Elon Musk became the first trillionaire. A trillion dollars. That's enough to buy every house in Detroit and still have $999 billion, which is the same as not buying them.

SpaceX is worth $1.77 trillion. The company that wants to leave the planet finally got the money to do it, and the rest of us are the security deposit.

Tesla shareholders approved a trillion-dollar pay package for the CEO. A trillion. For one man. The factory workers got a pizza party and a warning about bathroom breaks.

Big Tech laid off 100,000 people this year and built $32 trillion in data centers. The servers got the jobs. They don't unionize and they don't cry in the parking lot.

Apple's $2,000 folding phone, a $130 million witch movie, a 38-date Oasis tour with a waitlist, and a $5,000 vote bonus. Everything this month is on a payment plan except the war, and that's on your grandkids' plan.

The last twelve months: a shutdown, an invasion, a war, a trillionaire, a heist, a wedding, three hurricanes, and a robot dog. If you wrote it as a novel, the editor would say "too much." If you lived it, you'd say "at least the Knicks won."