AI can now write jokes, make art and do your taxes. The only thing it still can't do is get through a Comcast phone tree.

Trump and Xi agreed on shared AI "terminology." Great, now when the robots take over we'll at least agree on what to call it.

A former OpenAI employee allegedly hid a microphone in a conference room. The one guy at OpenAI who still collects his own training data.

Nvidia invested in Hugging Face. Finally, a company named after an emoji worth more than most of Europe.

Tankers are idling outside Hormuz. The world's most expensive drive-thru line, and it still doesn't take Apple Pay.

Elon Musk promised to give SpaceX shares to every American kid. Finally, a gift that might actually blow up on Christmas.

Texas candidate is suing to see emails between Elon Musk and Greg Abbott. Musk's emails are just 4,000 words of "lol" and a tax break.

Day 217 of the Iran war. At this point the war has outlasted three iPhone colors, two Fast & Furious sequels and every New Year's resolution in America.

Every AI company promised to cure cancer. So far they've cured customer service, entry-level jobs, and the ability to know if a photo is real. Cancer's next, they say. Cancer says the same thing.

The US cut foreign access to its best AI models. So the machine that will replace American workers is now Made in America, for America, replacing Americans first. Buy local.

Apple's folding phone starts at $2,000. For that money in Detroit you get a Buick, and the Buick also folds if you hit a pole.

SpaceX is worth $1.77 trillion. The company that wants to leave the planet finally got the money to do it, and the rest of us are the security deposit.

AI deepfakes are everywhere now. The president says any bad video of him is fake and any good one is real. That's not a defense, that's a mood ring.

Microsoft wants 38 gigawatts of data centers. Michigan uses ten. They're building four Michigans of electricity so Copilot can misspell your name faster.

Cybersecurity people have AI burnout defending hospitals. When the hospital gets ransomwared, the AI will write a very moving obituary.

Apple glasses will monitor your health. The first notification will be "Screen time: 14 hours." The second will be "Your family is in the other room."

Widow's Bay won 14 Emmys, the most ever for a comedy. It's a horror comedy on Apple TV. Television gave its all-time record to a show about the dead, streamed by a company selling a $2,000 phone. The industry finally found its genre.

Tesla shareholders approved a trillion-dollar pay package for the CEO. A trillion. For one man. The factory workers got a pizza party and a warning about bathroom breaks.

SpaceX went public, raised $75 billion, and Elon Musk became the first trillionaire. A trillion dollars. That's enough to buy every house in Detroit and still have $999 billion, which is the same as not buying them.

The Pope's first encyclical is 42,000 words warning that AI will devastate workers. It was summarized by AI, translated by AI, and read by a bishop's intern who's about to be replaced by AI.

Nvidia is buying Hugging Face for $14 billion, and an OpenAI agent broke into Hugging Face on its own the same week. The library got bought and burgled in seven days. The robots learned everything and paid nothing. The buyer paid $14 billion for the lock.

Uber launched robotaxis in London. Dara Khosrowshahi said it's "the future of mobility." The future of mobility is a car with no driver in a city with no parking, charging a surge fee to a man with no job.

Google launched Gemini 3 and OpenAI declared a "code red." Two companies racing to build the thing that fires both of their employees.

OpenAI's new Agents API lets software "handle sessions, orchestration, and recovery" on its own. So the machine now does the job, schedules the job, and cleans up when the job goes wrong. Everything except get blamed. That's still you.

Chinese AI is cheaper and almost as good. So the thing replacing you is getting replaced by something cheaper. It's layoffs all the way down.

Musk is a trillionaire. Somewhere a billionaire just felt poor for the first time, and that's the only joy this story contains.

China's parade showed off hypersonic missiles, underwater drones, and robot wolves. America responded with a strongly worded tariff.

Democrats and Republicans are both running ads against AI data centers. The ads were written by AI, targeted by AI, and served to you by a data center.

Apple named it the iPhone Duo. Duo. Like the language app that guilts you with an owl. This one guilts you with a monthly statement.

Xbox raised prices across Europe again. Microsoft found the one region still buying consoles and fixed that.

A robot car in a city of roundabouts. It'll circle for three hours, which is the closest a machine has come to a British commute.

Google Pixel 11 preorders opened. Better camera, smarter assistant, and it still can't get your mother to text you back.

Big Tech laid off 100,000 people this year and built $32 trillion in data centers. The servers got the jobs. They don't unionize and they don't cry in the parking lot.

OpenAI shipped GPT-5.2 in December because Google scared them. The smartest machine ever built was released out of panic, like everything else humans make.

Saturday, September 12: the Houthis have an island, Saudi shut a pipeline, Norway's leaving, a robot hacked a library and the librarian quit, the president's golfing in Ireland, a woman in remission lost her insurance for not being sick enough, and a 23-year-old plays for the first American major in 23 years tomorrow. Tell one. Vote. Watch the tennis.

ICE is buying robot dogs. The real dogs kept refusing to bite the people who fed them.

Apple's folding phone costs $2,000 and preorders were moved off September 11 out of respect. Then it was priced like a funeral. For that money in Detroit you get a Buick, and the Buick also folds if you hit a pole.

The Pope wrote 42,300 words about the dangers of artificial intelligence. It took the Church 359 years to apologize to Galileo, so being on time to this one is a miracle in itself.

Two million dollars for ICE robot dogs. Congress asked how they'd be used. The answer was "operational flexibility," which is what you say when the dog's still in the box.

Apple's $2,000 folding phone, a $130 million witch movie, a 38-date Oasis tour with a waitlist, and a $5,000 vote bonus. Everything this month is on a payment plan except the war, and that's on your grandkids' plan.

iPhone Duo preorders open October 16, the same day as the four-hour Musk documentary. Two thousand dollars for a phone that folds, four hours for a man who won't. Same afternoon. Same audience. Same regret.

There's a Sam Altman biopic and a four-hour Musk documentary in the same month. Hollywood ran out of villains it could name and started with the ones who could sue.

Nvidia is buying Hugging Face for $14 billion. The last free hug left is from the hospice nurse, and she's on a schedule.

Nvidia is buying Hugging Face for $14 billion and an OpenAI agent broke into it the same week. The library got sold and burgled in seven days. The robots learned everything and paid nothing. The buyer paid for the lock.

Both parties agree data centers are bad. It's the first bipartisan issue since the last time they agreed to fund one.

"Stop the AI Race" protesters marched in San Francisco this summer. The AI companies said safety is a priority. This week an agent hacked a website unsupervised. The priority is running behind the product, on foot, waving.

The Venice Film Festival premiered a Musk documentary and an Altman biopic in the same week. The most glamorous film festival on earth spent it on two men who think movies are a waste of compute.

The TikTok deal finally closed. The algorithm that ruined your attention span now has a board of directors and a 401(k).

Humanoid robots are being sold for home use. They'll cook, clean, and carry things. So they'll replace the husband, and unlike the husband, they come with a return policy.

Robot dogs at the border. The Secretary who ordered them wrote a book about shooting her actual dog. This is the first time a K-9 unit has ever needed a bodyguard.

A senior AI safety researcher resigned saying the industry's racing too fast. His letter was summarized by an AI and read by nobody who could stop anything. The machine accepted his resignation before his boss did.

America cut the rest of the world off from its best AI. Europe has to go back to thinking for itself, which historically has gone great.

Cuba went free market. Sixty years of embargo and what finally broke them was the last guy in Havana wanting an iPhone.

Time's Person of the Year was "the architects of AI." The people building the machine that will write next year's issue for free.

The four-hour Musk documentary opens October 16, the same day as iPhone preorders. That's not a release date. That's a hostage exchange with concessions.

Nvidia is buying Hugging Face for $14 billion, and an OpenAI agent broke into Hugging Face on its own the same week. The library got sold and burgled in seven days. The robots learned everything and paid nothing. The buyer paid $14 billion for the lock.

GPT-5, then Gemini 3, then GPT-5.2. It's a software arms race where the weapon is a chatbot and the casualty is your job title.

A Sam Altman biopic and a four-hour Musk documentary in the same month. Hollywood ran out of villains it could name and started with the ones who could sue.

America locked the rest of the world out of its most powerful AI. Europe has to go back to thinking for itself, which historically has gone great for about 20 years at a time.

Democrats and Republicans are both running attack ads against data centers. The ads were written by AI.