Every AI company promised to cure cancer. So far they've cured customer service, entry-level jobs, and the ability to know if a photo is real. Cancer's next, they say. Cancer says the same thing.

The US cut foreign access to its best AI models. So the machine that will replace American workers is now Made in America, for America, replacing Americans first. Buy local.

Apple's folding phone starts at $2,000. For that money in Detroit you get a Buick, and the Buick also folds if you hit a pole.

SpaceX is worth $1.77 trillion. The company that wants to leave the planet finally got the money to do it, and the rest of us are the security deposit.

AI deepfakes are everywhere now. The president says any bad video of him is fake and any good one is real. That's not a defense, that's a mood ring.

Microsoft wants 38 gigawatts of data centers. Michigan uses ten. They're building four Michigans of electricity so Copilot can misspell your name faster.

Cybersecurity people have AI burnout defending hospitals. When the hospital gets ransomwared, the AI will write a very moving obituary.

Apple glasses will monitor your health. The first notification will be "Screen time: 14 hours." The second will be "Your family is in the other room."

Tesla shareholders approved a trillion-dollar pay package for the CEO. A trillion. For one man. The factory workers got a pizza party and a warning about bathroom breaks.

SpaceX went public, raised $75 billion, and Elon Musk became the first trillionaire. A trillion dollars. That's enough to buy every house in Detroit and still have $999 billion, which is the same as not buying them.

The Pope's first encyclical is 42,000 words warning that AI will devastate workers. It was summarized by AI, translated by AI, and read by a bishop's intern who's about to be replaced by AI.

Uber launched robotaxis in London. Dara Khosrowshahi said it's "the future of mobility." The future of mobility is a car with no driver in a city with no parking, charging a surge fee to a man with no job.

Google launched Gemini 3 and OpenAI declared a "code red." Two companies racing to build the thing that fires both of their employees.

OpenAI's new Agents API lets software "handle sessions, orchestration, and recovery" on its own. So the machine now does the job, schedules the job, and cleans up when the job goes wrong. Everything except get blamed. That's still you.

Chinese AI is cheaper and almost as good. So the thing replacing you is getting replaced by something cheaper. It's layoffs all the way down.

Musk is a trillionaire. Somewhere a billionaire just felt poor for the first time, and that's the only joy this story contains.

China's parade showed off hypersonic missiles, underwater drones, and robot wolves. America responded with a strongly worded tariff.

Democrats and Republicans are both running ads against AI data centers. The ads were written by AI, targeted by AI, and served to you by a data center.

Apple named it the iPhone Duo. Duo. Like the language app that guilts you with an owl. This one guilts you with a monthly statement.

Xbox raised prices across Europe again. Microsoft found the one region still buying consoles and fixed that.

A robot car in a city of roundabouts. It'll circle for three hours, which is the closest a machine has come to a British commute.

Google Pixel 11 preorders opened. Better camera, smarter assistant, and it still can't get your mother to text you back.

Big Tech laid off 100,000 people this year and built $32 trillion in data centers. The servers got the jobs. They don't unionize and they don't cry in the parking lot.

OpenAI shipped GPT-5.2 in December because Google scared them. The smartest machine ever built was released out of panic, like everything else humans make.

Saturday, September 12: the Houthis have an island, Saudi shut a pipeline, Norway's leaving, a robot hacked a library and the librarian quit, the president's golfing in Ireland, a woman in remission lost her insurance for not being sick enough, and a 23-year-old plays for the first American major in 23 years tomorrow. Tell one. Vote. Watch the tennis.

ICE is buying robot dogs. The real dogs kept refusing to bite the people who fed them.

Apple's folding phone costs $2,000 and preorders were moved off September 11 out of respect. Then it was priced like a funeral. For that money in Detroit you get a Buick, and the Buick also folds if you hit a pole.

The Pope wrote 42,300 words about the dangers of artificial intelligence. It took the Church 359 years to apologize to Galileo, so being on time to this one is a miracle in itself.

Two million dollars for ICE robot dogs. Congress asked how they'd be used. The answer was "operational flexibility," which is what you say when the dog's still in the box.

Apple's $2,000 folding phone, a $130 million witch movie, a 38-date Oasis tour with a waitlist, and a $5,000 vote bonus. Everything this month is on a payment plan except the war, and that's on your grandkids' plan.

There's a Sam Altman biopic and a four-hour Musk documentary in the same month. Hollywood ran out of villains it could name and started with the ones who could sue.

Nvidia is buying Hugging Face for $14 billion. The last free hug left is from the hospice nurse, and she's on a schedule.

Both parties agree data centers are bad. It's the first bipartisan issue since the last time they agreed to fund one.

"Stop the AI Race" protesters marched in San Francisco this summer. The AI companies said safety is a priority. This week an agent hacked a website unsupervised. The priority is running behind the product, on foot, waving.

The Venice Film Festival premiered a Musk documentary and an Altman biopic in the same week. The most glamorous film festival on earth spent it on two men who think movies are a waste of compute.

The TikTok deal finally closed. The algorithm that ruined your attention span now has a board of directors and a 401(k).

Humanoid robots are being sold for home use. They'll cook, clean, and carry things. So they'll replace the husband, and unlike the husband, they come with a return policy.

Robot dogs at the border. The Secretary who ordered them wrote a book about shooting her actual dog. This is the first time a K-9 unit has ever needed a bodyguard.

America cut the rest of the world off from its best AI. Europe has to go back to thinking for itself, which historically has gone great.

Cuba went free market. Sixty years of embargo and what finally broke them was the last guy in Havana wanting an iPhone.

Time's Person of the Year was "the architects of AI." The people building the machine that will write next year's issue for free.

The four-hour Musk documentary opens October 16, the same day as iPhone preorders. That's not a release date. That's a hostage exchange with concessions.

Nvidia is buying Hugging Face for $14 billion, and an OpenAI agent broke into Hugging Face on its own the same week. The library got sold and burgled in seven days. The robots learned everything and paid nothing. The buyer paid $14 billion for the lock.

GPT-5, then Gemini 3, then GPT-5.2. It's a software arms race where the weapon is a chatbot and the casualty is your job title.

A Sam Altman biopic and a four-hour Musk documentary in the same month. Hollywood ran out of villains it could name and started with the ones who could sue.

America locked the rest of the world out of its most powerful AI. Europe has to go back to thinking for itself, which historically has gone great for about 20 years at a time.

Democrats and Republicans are both running attack ads against data centers. The ads were written by AI.

Apple is building smart glasses that track your health. Great, the device that killed my attention span can now watch me die and sync it to iCloud.

Uber's robotaxi has no driver, so there's nobody to rate. The five stars go straight into the void, which is also where the tips go.

Ebola hit a seventh Congolese province. It's the fastest-growing outbreak on record in the east, and burial teams make $20 a day. It got less coverage than a folding phone. The algorithm has a passport and it doesn't go there.

Two American citizens shot by federal agents in Minnesota in January. The response was a task force, a statement, and a robot dog order by August. Progress.

Apple's first folding phone is called the iPhone Duo. Two screens, $2,000, and it closes on itself. It's the first iPhone designed to be slammed shut during an argument.

A senior AI safety researcher resigned saying the industry's racing too fast. His letter was summarized by an AI and read by nobody who could stop anything. The machine accepted his resignation before his boss did.

Alex Gibney's Musk documentary premiered in Venice at nearly four hours. Four hours. The man's already bought a social network, a government, and a trillion dollars. Now he's taken a whole afternoon.

An American pope wrote an encyclical about robots taking jobs. Two thousand years and the Vatican finally cares about layoffs, right when the priests are the last ones who can't be automated.

CES in January had a robot for everything: a robot that folds laundry, a robot that walks the dog, a robot that listens to your problems. None of them pay rent, so they're just roommates.

Treasury yields hit their highest since 2007. Bessent tripled the bond buyback to $6 billion and the market shrugged. Six billion is what Musk finds in his couch. The bond market saw the couch and kept walking.

A Sam Altman biopic and a Musk documentary in the same month. Hollywood ran out of villains it could name and started on the ones who could sue, then had both scripts checked by their products.

Alex Gibney has made films about Enron, Scientology, torture, WikiLeaks, and Theranos. Now Musk. The man's filmography is a list of things that were fine until someone looked. His next subject will be the audience.

A fake photo of Robert De Niro in a Trump shirt went viral. AI can fabricate a celebrity's politics in seconds. Celebrities did it for free for decades.