Too Soonjokes

SpaceX went public, raised $75 billion, and Elon Musk became the first trillionaire. A trillion dollars. That's enough to buy every house in Detroit and still have $999 billion, which is the same as not buying them.

Google launched Gemini 3 and OpenAI declared a "code red." Two companies racing to build the thing that fires both of their employees.

OpenAI's new Agents API lets software "handle sessions, orchestration, and recovery" on its own. So the machine now does the job, schedules the job, and cleans up when the job goes wrong. Everything except get blamed. That's still you.

Xbox raised prices across Europe again. Microsoft found the one region still buying consoles and fixed that.

OpenAI shipped GPT-5.2 in December because Google scared them. The smartest machine ever built was released out of panic, like everything else humans make.

Good Wednesday, everybody. The phone costs $2,000, the war's in month seven, the giraffe's still loose in Texas, and Apple skipped 9/11 for preorders out of respect, then charged the price of a funeral. Surprise and shine.