Too Soonjokes

Kauai cleared the campgrounds. The guy who refuses to leave will be found in April, still mad about the parking fee.

The UAE nominated someone for UN Secretary-General. Next year's UN climate summit will be held on a yacht.

Zverev beat Shelton for the US Open and didn't know he'd won; he walked back to the baseline to return serve. He ended America's 23-year drought-extension and needed the scoreboard to tell him. Germany: efficient, punctual, unaware of the mood in the room.

Hurricane Lowell went Category 5, then 4, then 5. It's got the commitment issues of a man whose wedding is at Madison Square Garden.

Fourth of July, 250th edition. Fireworks in a drought, hot dogs at tariff prices, and a war overseas. The founders would recognize all of it.

The president told the UN that climate change is a hoax and escalators are broken. One of those was a policy position and one was a complaint about the building. Nobody could tell which.