Too Soonjokes

Hawaii's third hurricane in three weeks. The tourism board's new pitch: "Come for the beaches, stay because the airport's underwater."

Hurricane Lowell went Category 5, then 4, then 5. It's got the commitment issues of a man whose wedding is at Madison Square Garden.

Hurricane Melissa hit Jamaica as a Category 5. The strongest storm ever to land there. The forecasters had a category for it and the island didn't.

Labor Day, 2026: a war, a trillionaire, a layoff, a hurricane, and a three-day weekend. Enjoy the barbecue. The brisket's up 30%, and so is everything else, except the thing you get paid.

The UAE nominated someone for UN Secretary-General. Next year's UN climate summit will be held on a yacht.

Zverev beat Shelton for the US Open and didn't know he'd won; he walked back to the baseline to return serve. He ended America's 23-year drought-extension and needed the scoreboard to tell him. Germany: efficient, punctual, unaware of the mood in the room.