Too Soonjokes

Hawaii's third hurricane in three weeks. The tourism board's new pitch: "Come for the beaches, stay because the airport's underwater."

Hurricane Lowell went Category 5, then 4, then 5. It's got the commitment issues of a man whose wedding is at Madison Square Garden.

Hurricane Melissa hit Jamaica as a Category 5. The strongest storm ever to land there. The forecasters had a category for it and the island didn't.

Labor Day, 2026: a war, a trillionaire, a layoff, a hurricane, and a three-day weekend. Enjoy the barbecue. The brisket's up 30%, and so is everything else, except the thing you get paid.

Haaretz reports the UAE warned Netanyahu of a major Hamas operation ten days before October 7 and he didn't act. It was the most accurate intelligence anyone in the region ever ignored, and it took three years to become a headline.

Fourth of July, 250th edition. Fireworks in a drought, hot dogs at tariff prices, and a war overseas. The founders would recognize all of it.