Too Soonjokes

A jury finally convicted Duane "Keffe D" Davis for Tupac's murder, thirty years later. He'd confessed on a podcast, in a book, and on YouTube. The man was indicted by his own content strategy.

The man convicted of orchestrating Tupac's murder is the uncle of the shooter, who died in 1998. So the case was solved by everyone else dying first. That's the Vegas method.

It took thirty years to convict someone for Tupac. My parking ticket found me in nine days.

Keffe D got convicted for Tupac after confessing on every platform but LinkedIn. And the only reason it wasn't LinkedIn is that "orchestrated a murder" doesn't fit the character limit.

The feds took over DC's police in August. Crime dropped, they said. It's easy to drop crime when you redefine "crime" as "whatever's left after the tourists leave."

Thieves cut four paintings out of their frames in a museum heist that took minutes, a year after the Louvre lost the crown jewels in eight. Europe's museums are now the only places where the exit is faster than the entrance.