Too Soonjokes

Chinese AI is cheaper and almost as good. So the thing replacing you is getting replaced by something cheaper. It's layoffs all the way down.

The war "ends after the election," the president says. So does the price of gas, apparently. Everything in America now has a November expiration date except the debt, the war dead, and the guy who said it.

The last twelve months: a shutdown, an invasion, a war, a trillionaire, a heist, a wedding, three hurricanes, and a robot dog. If you wrote it as a novel, the editor would say "too much." If you lived it, you'd say "at least the Knicks won."

Fourth of July, 250th edition. Fireworks in a drought, hot dogs at tariff prices, and a war overseas. The founders would recognize all of it.

Tesla shareholders approved a trillion-dollar pay package for the CEO. A trillion. For one man. The factory workers got a pizza party and a warning about bathroom breaks.

Social Security told a woman to repay $20,000 in 30 days or lose half her check. Commissioner Bisignano is a former Wall Street executive. He knows exactly how to collect a debt. He's never once had to pay one.