Too Soonjokes

Darnold spent the night at the hospital after the opener. The team said "good news." The good news is a "muscle strain." The bad news is he's a Seahawks quarterback, and their good news has a way of becoming a Drew Lock start.

Sam Darnold's hip is "a muscle strain," the Seahawks say, and Drew Lock will start. Darnold got $100 million and six plays. Lock got a roster spot and a win. The NFL calls it next man up. Darnold's accountant calls it a rounding error with a limp.

Sam Darnold: $100 million, banner raised, six snaps, hospital. Drew Lock started Week 2 and the Seahawks are still fine. Seattle's quarterback plan is to keep signing guys until one of them is standing at the end of the year. It's a survivor pool with a cap number.

Drake Maye threw three picks against Seattle in the Super Bowl and three more Wednesday. The Patriots' plan for the Seahawks is apparently to keep giving them the ball until they feel bad about it.

Sam Darnold raised the Super Bowl banner and got carried off on the sixth play of the season. Banner up, quarterback in a hospital, Seattle won anyway. That's not football, that's a Greek play with a salary cap.

Patriots-Seahawks tonight. New England's coordinator said Seattle "out-everythinged" them in the Super Bowl. That's not analysis, that's a eulogy with a whiteboard.