Too Soonjokes

Shelton is the first Black American man in a US Open final since Arthur Ashe in 1972, in a stadium named after Arthur Ashe. It took 54 years for the building to see someone it was named for. The Lions have been waiting since 1957, and they don't even have a building named after anybody.

Blue, the sculpture at the Kennedy Center, came down after seven years. Trump chairs the Kennedy Center now. He's redecorating a building named after a Democrat, in a city that voted 92% against him, and the sculpture was the first thing to leave that didn't need a lawyer.

Bad Bunny did the halftime show in Spanish. Forty million Americans discovered they could be angry at a language for 13 minutes and still know every word by the end.

Morgan Wallen is up for Artist of the Year for the second year. He was canceled in 2021 for the worst thing you can say, then had the biggest album in the country. The lesson every artist learned is the one the country already knew: the audience forgives, the algorithm never remembered.

SpaceX went public, raised $75 billion, and Elon Musk became the first trillionaire. A trillion dollars. That's enough to buy every house in Detroit and still have $999 billion, which is the same as not buying them.

Madonna's been nominated for VMAs in every decade of her career. Five decades. She's outlasted MTV playing music, the record label, two husbands, and the Catholic Church's patience. The award's a formality. The survival's the act.