Too Soonjokes

A.J. Brown, traded to New England, hurt his ankle in the third quarter of his first game. The Patriots got a receiver, a highlight, and an MRI in one night. That's the most value they've gotten from a trade since 2001.

The Patriots traded for A.J. Brown so they'd have a chance in Seattle. New England spent the offseason buying the one thing it lacked in February: a receiver who can catch. That was the plan last year too. Then Seattle out-everythinged them.

Senator Roger Marshall sued 700 of his own patients over bills when he was a doctor and had 81 arrested. He's on the health committee. The Hippocratic Oath says first do no harm. His said first send it to collections.

Darnold went down on the sixth snap with a hip injury and spent the night in the hospital. He signed for $100 million last year. That's $16 million a play, which is still cheaper than what Iran's paying per tanker.

Darnold got hurt on the last play of the first drive and the Seahawks shut out the first half. They're the third defending champ ever to be shut out in the first half of the opener. The other two are also in Seattle's group chat.

The Patriots lost the Super Bowl. Tom Brady watched from the booth and aged for the first time in public.