Too Soonjokes

The Bills open their new stadium tonight against the Lions on Amazon. A billion-dollar building, a team that's lost four Super Bowls, and a Thursday night game streamed by the company whose cargo plane just crashed. Everything in Buffalo is a delivery that might not arrive.

The defending champs are Alcaraz and Sabalenka. Two people in their twenties who've earned more than your entire family tree, including the ones you're not speaking to.

Friday, September 11, 2026: 25 years since the towers, 196 days into the next war, a $5,000 bribe on the table, a president who remembers being carried, a quarterback who remembers being carted, and 100,000 Australians who couldn't see the field. Never forget. Also, what time's the tennis.

Cooper Manning was on Fox News Monday talking about the NFL season. There are three Manning brothers. One won two Super Bowls, one won two Super Bowls, and one gets to be on television. Genetics is a lottery and so is the tie-breaker.

Bills-Lions tonight in a brand-new stadium. Two fan bases, one Super Bowl between them combined, and it's the Lions', from a movie they're still writing. The winner of tonight gets to be the favorite until January, when it doesn't matter.

Friday, September 11, 2026: twenty-five years since the towers, 196 days into the next war, a $5,000 bribe on the table, a quarterback carted off six plays into a title defense, a kid who beat the best player alive at 3:30 a.m., and a hundred thousand Australians who couldn't see the field. Never forget. What time's the tennis.