Too Soonjokes

A Russian strike on Kyiv killed 13 overnight. Peace talks are ongoing. They've been ongoing for four years, which is long enough for "ongoing" to be a cause of death.

Russia hit a Ukrainian weapons depot and killed 38. The peace plan has 28 points. None of them are "stop."

A Russian warship fired flares within meters of a Danish military helicopter. Russia accused Denmark of "dangerous maneuvers." Denmark. The country that gave the world Lego and insulin was accused of aggression by the country that gave the world Chernobyl and a war with a 28-point peace plan.

Another round of Ukraine peace talks. Four years, six plans, one guy in the middle who keeps saying "we're close." The war has more sequels than Fast & Furious and the same amount of plot.

Shelton or Tiafoe will play a German or a Russian for the title. This is the plot of every war we won in the 20th century, with better shoes and a worse crowd.

Tiafoe and Shelton play an all-American semifinal Friday. Two American men in the final four for the first time since the sport was affordable. The winner faces a German or a Russian in the final, which is also the plot of every 20th-century war we won.