A Russian warship fired flares within meters of a Danish military helicopter. Russia accused Denmark of "dangerous maneuvers." Denmark. The country that gave the world Lego and insulin was accused of aggression by the country that gave the world Chernobyl and a war with a 28-point peace plan.

A Russian strike on Kyiv killed 13 overnight. Peace talks are ongoing. They've been ongoing for four years, which is long enough for "ongoing" to be a cause of death.

A Russian strike killed thirteen in Kyiv overnight while the peace plan sits at 28 points. None of them is "stop."

Russia hit a Ukrainian weapons depot and killed 38. The peace plan has 28 points. None of them are "stop."

Ukraine's former defense minister called for elections. Nothing says "we're winning" like a campaign for who gets to lose next.

A trade war with Canada. The first country to lose to Canada since the 1972 Summit Series was Russia, and it took eight games.

Putin, Xi, and Pezeshkian in one room in Delhi. Nobody in that room can travel to most of the world, and they're meeting to plan its future. That's not a summit, it's a support group with nukes.

Another round of Ukraine peace talks. Four years, six plans, one guy in the middle who keeps saying "we're close." The war has more sequels than Fast & Furious and the same amount of plot.

Shelton or Tiafoe will play a German or a Russian for the title. This is the plot of every war we won in the 20th century, with better shoes and a worse crowd.

Tiafoe and Shelton play an all-American semifinal Friday. Two American men in the final four for the first time since the sport was affordable. The winner faces a German or a Russian in the final, which is also the plot of every 20th-century war we won.

U.S. officials met Ukraine and Russia separately to end the war. Separately. A divorce mediation where both parties have missiles and the mediator's in Ireland playing golf.

US officials met separately with Ukraine and Russia this weekend to end the war. Separately. It's a divorce mediation where both parties have missiles and the mediator has a golf course.

Tiafoe versus Shelton: the first all-American semi in years, and the winner gets a German or a Russian in the final. That's every 20th-century war we won, with better shoes.