Too Soonjokes

Rybakina beat Sabalenka in a thriller for her first US Open. She's from Kazakhstan by way of Moscow, playing in Queens, in front of 23,000 people who paid $900 to whisper and one State Department that won't let them visit. The trophy's going home through customs.

The State Department says Cuba infiltrated American leftist groups. A country that can't keep the lights on is running the DSA. The DSA also can't keep the lights on, so it tracks.

The State Department says Cuba is running American leftist groups. A country that can't keep the lights on is running the DSA. The DSA also can't keep the lights on, so it tracks.

Sabalenka was one win from three straight US Opens and lost to Rybakina. Belarus versus Kazakhstan for an American title, decided in three sets, and the loser still goes home with $2.5 million and a country that thinks she should have won.

Ken Paxton and James Talarico are basically tied in Texas. A seminarian versus a guy who's been impeached. Texas is choosing between heaven and the Texas Senate.

Pope Leo made a historic visit to France. First American pope in Paris. He tipped at the café and they nearly excommunicated him.