Too Soonjokes

Friday, September 11, 2026: 25 years since the towers, 196 days into the next war, a $5,000 bribe on the table, a president who remembers being carried, a quarterback who remembers being carted, and 100,000 Australians who couldn't see the field. Never forget. Also, what time's the tennis.

Friday, September 11, 2026: twenty-five years since the towers, 196 days into the next war, a $5,000 bribe on the table, a quarterback carted off six plays into a title defense, a kid who beat the best player alive at 3:30 a.m., and a hundred thousand Australians who couldn't see the field. Never forget. What time's the tennis.

The Rams and 49ers play in Melbourne tonight. Both teams will lose a day to the flight, a day to the game, and one starter to the turf. The NFL calls it "growing the game." The players call it a class-action.

A regular-season NFL game in Australia at 8 a.m. their time. Fans in Melbourne will watch football before work. Fans in Detroit will watch it at 4 a.m. and call in sick, which is a Michigan tradition older than the Lions' last title.

Myles Garrett flew 16 hours to Melbourne, recorded zero of anything, and admitted the knee is worse than anyone said. The Rams traded for a $40 million defender and got a very expensive seat upgrade.

Myles Garrett flew sixteen hours to Melbourne and recorded zero tackles, zero sacks, zero hits, then admitted the knee's worse than he said. The Rams traded for a $40 million defender and got a very expensive passenger.