Too Soonjokes

The defending champs are Alcaraz and Sabalenka. Two people in their twenties who've earned more than your entire family tree, including the ones you're not speaking to.

Tiafoe plays Shelton tonight in the first all-American semi since the sport was affordable. Shelton beat Alcaraz at 3:30 a.m. Wednesday. If he wins tonight he'll have slept six hours in three days, which is the most American training regimen since the Marines.

Sabalenka's the two-time champion at -208. Pegula's family owns the Bills, who've lost four Super Bowls. If Pegula loses tonight, it's the family's most competitive loss this decade.

Trump's approval is at 36 percent, an all-time low. That's lower than Spirit Airlines, gas station sushi and my uncle at Thanksgiving.

Ben Shelton became the first American man to win a set in a major final since 2009. A set. The bar is now "won a set," and he cleared it with room to spare. Somewhere Andy Roddick is buying the 2003 team a round.

Zverev beat Shelton for the US Open and didn't know he'd won; he walked back to the baseline to return serve. He ended America's 23-year drought-extension and needed the scoreboard to tell him. Germany: efficient, punctual, unaware of the mood in the room.