Too Soonjokes

The Bills open their new stadium tonight against the Lions on Amazon. A billion-dollar building, a team that's lost four Super Bowls, and a Thursday night game streamed by the company whose cargo plane just crashed. Everything in Buffalo is a delivery that might not arrive.

The Lions open Sunday as Super Bowl favorites. Detroit has never had hope survive October. This is the year it finds out what hope costs. Spoiler: last year's price, plus a stadium tax, plus interest, plus a Coney at 1 a.m.

The Lions open Sunday as Super Bowl favorites in some books. Detroit has never had hope survive October. This year it'll find out what hope costs. Spoiler: the same as last year, plus a stadium tax and interest.

This week: a German won the American dream in Queens and didn't notice, the Lions won by one and aged everyone ten years, a horror comedy set the Emmy record, the Supreme Court said mail your ballot, and the vice president cut off 870,000 people with the word "screwed." Tell one. Vote. Watch the Bills game.

A regular-season NFL game in Australia at 8 a.m. their time. Fans in Melbourne will watch football before work. Fans in Detroit will watch it at 4 a.m. and call in sick, which is a Michigan tradition older than the Lions' last title.

The 49ers play the Rams in Melbourne tonight on Netflix. Two California teams flew 16 hours to play at 8 a.m. Australian time. The kickoff's an ad for a streaming service, the game's an ad for jet lag.