Too Soonjokes

Trump says Russia "had very little input" into Iran. Strange, since Russia usually has input into everything, including our elections.

Trump wants to meet Putin and Xi about denuclearization. Three guys with the most nukes in a room talking about getting rid of nukes. That's an AA meeting at a liquor store.

Media called the Trump–Xi summit a "grand bromance." Two old men who hate journalists finally found someone who gets them.

A Russian warship fired flares within meters of a Danish military helicopter. Russia accused Denmark of "dangerous maneuvers." Denmark. The country that gave the world Lego and insulin was accused of aggression by the country that gave the world Chernobyl and a war with a 28-point peace plan.

Trump says Iran is "keen to reach a deal quickly." A senior Iranian official said they won't negotiate until their conditions are met. So one side says they're eager and the other side says they're not talking. That's every relationship at the 197-day mark.

Trump promised every adult $5,000 if Republicans win the midterms. That's $1.3 trillion. It's the first time a president has offered the country a bribe in front of it, on camera, with a number. The IRS will tax it.