Too Soonjokes

Trump on Iran: "I'm trying to be nice, we've got to deal with somebody." Same speech every guy gives right before his third divorce.

Trump meets Xi next week and China is urging both the U.S. and Iran back to the table. The country that buys Iran's oil and sells us the phones is now the mediator. It's a divorce where the marriage counselor is also the landlord.

The Iran war is on Day 238. It's lasted longer than every New Year's resolution, every Kardashian marriage and every Bachelor couple combined.

Iran offered a 7-day plan to reopen Hormuz. Trump rejected it. Nobody wants a week-long deal from a guy who can't even commit to a week-long trial subscription.

Trump says Iran is "keen to reach a deal quickly." A senior Iranian official said they won't negotiate until their conditions are met. So one side says they're eager and the other side says they're not talking. That's every relationship at the 197-day mark.

Trump called Iran's military "completely gone." He also said it would end soon back in March. At this point "ending soon" is like a CVS receipt. It never ends.