Too Soonjokes

A judge paused the border wall at Big Bend National Park. The canyon was already doing the job for free and it doesn't take contractors.

ICE got a judge to approve force-feeding a hunger striker through a surgical procedure without his consent. He's the 19th hunger striker in custody. The agency that can't find a giraffe found a judge at 2 a.m.

A judge approved surgically force-feeding a hunger striker in ICE custody. The private detention center gets paid per body per day. Keeping him alive isn't mercy, it's revenue, and the judge signed it at 2 a.m.

A judge approved surgically force-feeding a hunger striker in ICE custody. The private facility gets paid per body per day. Keeping him alive isn't mercy, it's a line item, signed at 2 a.m.

Police departments are buying drones now. Robot dogs for ICE, drones for cops. The next police union negotiation will be about charging cables.

The last twelve months: a shutdown, an invasion, a war, a trillionaire, a heist, a wedding, three hurricanes, and a robot dog. If you wrote it as a novel, the editor would say "too much." If you lived it, you'd say "at least the Knicks won."