Too Soonjokes

A glacier collapsed in the Himalayas and the flood killed 900 people. Scientists warned about this for 20 years. Turns out the glacier read the report and we didn't.

Two earthquakes hit Venezuela and killed 2,000 people. Within two months, America had a deal for 65 billion barrels of their oil. We sent thoughts, prayers, and a drilling schedule.

The president told the UN that climate change is a hoax and escalators are broken. One of those was a policy position and one was a complaint about the building. Nobody could tell which.

A glacier collapsed and took a valley with it. Ice, it turns out, has a deadline. Congress might want to look into that.

The NFL's Melbourne game drew 100,021 people and the front row couldn't see the field. The league sold a rectangle in an oval. Geometry calls it a refund. The NFL calls it the fastest-growing market in the world.

The Philippines issued an arrest warrant for its Vice President for threatening to have the President killed. In America we call that a primary.