Too Soonjokes

The Philippines issued an arrest warrant for its Vice President for threatening to have the President killed. In America we call that a primary.

Thieves cut four paintings out of their frames in a museum heist that took minutes, a year after the Louvre lost the crown jewels in eight. Europe's museums are now the only places where the exit is faster than the entrance.

Thieves robbed the Louvre in eight minutes with a furniture lift and power tools, in daylight, during opening hours. The most French thing about it is that security was on strike about it before it happened.

The Louvre heist: $100 million in jewels, no cameras on the balcony, and a ladder from Home Depot. The Mona Lisa watched the whole thing and said nothing, as usual.

A Russian warship fired flares within meters of a Danish military helicopter. Russia accused Denmark of "dangerous maneuvers." Denmark. The country that gave the world Lego and insulin was accused of aggression by the country that gave the world Chernobyl and a war with a 28-point peace plan.

The Louvre heist took eight minutes. The renovation plan to prevent it started in 2025 and won't finish until 2031. Crime moves at the speed of a moped and safety moves at the speed of a committee.