Too Soonjokes

The Philippines issued an arrest warrant for its Vice President for threatening to have the President killed. In America we call that a primary.

Thieves cut four paintings out of their frames in a museum heist that took minutes, a year after the Louvre lost the crown jewels in eight. Europe's museums are now the only places where the exit is faster than the entrance.

Thieves robbed the Louvre in eight minutes with a furniture lift and power tools, in daylight, during opening hours. The most French thing about it is that security was on strike about it before it happened.

The Louvre heist: $100 million in jewels, no cameras on the balcony, and a ladder from Home Depot. The Mona Lisa watched the whole thing and said nothing, as usual.

This week we had a war, a cockpit incident, a carrier group, a pope in France and a strikeout record. The news cycle is just doomscrolling with a budget.

America this week: rejecting peace plans, begging France for diesel, and watching baseball on Peacock. A superpower in its "it's complicated" era.